I'm now completely moved out of my apartment and in with Shan and Des. Last night, I went by there one last time, in the same manner I came in. Alone.

I walked around, surveying the damage I've inflicted on the place. Every party foul, strands of my hair, places where Brendan spilled things. The leaves still on the carpet from opening the door during a huge rainstorm. Where my desk was, I could see the ghost of myself spinning in a circle shouting, "This is MINE! All mine!" Less than five feet from where I stood in the here and now, feeling rather broken and adrift.

So many endings this year, so many things I've left behind, put to rest or moved on from. So much of myself taken away that I'm not even sure what's left to show that this is still me.

Tonight I have the apartment to myself. Brendan is asleep, the girls went out. I've got 'The Dove' by Sipping Soma playing on repeat. Slow, her voice soothing me, at the same time telling me that this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach isn't forever. This feeling of wanting to cry but not being able to will pass.