I won't be seeing the guy I went on a date with again. We were kind of messing around, but its not to be. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin when he's near me. There's too much of other people that came before him in the way that he comes across to me. Too much for my liking. This won't be happening again.

Better to know now than to wake up a year from now miserable. Again.

After a year of being single, I've found alot more objectivity in what I'm doing. I can see if something won't go right, or if it won't work out before to goes too far. Before the attachment of having another body next to me sets in.

Objectivity is good, of course. Too much of may haunt me later, but this honestly remains to be seen.

I'm just sorry I didn't see this before. There are places I wouldn't have gone, things I would have left unsaid. Unnessicary drama I created within my own headspace, that probably damaged things more than any casual sex could.

Hindsight. Funny thing that it is.

Forward motion is what's important now. Knowing that with this last cigarette put out, I'll crawl into bed alone, in the groove on the one side of the bed, and be okay with that for a change. Knowing full well there will be harder days, but knowing that even though there are difficulties and setbacks, I'm not comprimising who I am and what I want from life anymore.

Its a bright morning even though the sun has yet to rise. The first one in months that I could see a small ray of light at the end of the tunnel. One I am actually ready to bask in.

That feeling of the old way finally parting itself and feeling no sorrow that its gone. This may be a new day or just another hurdle, but the wieght lifted from me is not mesureable on any scale.

Right now, I could fly in solitude. Right now I could fly with someone else. Either way, its alright as long as I'm still myself when I look in the mirror.