Too bad I can't and won't explain it right now. Sometimes I'll wake up out of the daze of my own issues and realize that nothing I say or do will be good enough for some people.

How sad, indeed.

I wish you could understand just even a little bit of who I am. Maybe you'd realize I'm not so bad. Maybe my head would stop buzzing with the sound of my own voice saying a thousand horrible things to you and walking away. Playing different scenes where I tell you exactly how I feel, leaving you speechless as I turn my back on you as you have on me.

I wish I could show you the self-confidence I've built up, the massive changes I've undergone. Sometimes I wish you would say you were proud of me. Or would just reach out to me when I needed you most.

And I wish that everyone else would not read this and think I'm pointing a finger at them.

Even then I'd even like those same people to take notice of me and see me in a different light than the one it feels like I'm burning under.

Its time for sleep, and it seems like such an exercise in futility. Wasting three, four or even six hours on tossing and turning, damning the pain in my head.

I think tonight I'll try something different. Tonight I'll try to scilence the demons in my head rather than giving them more fuel for the fire.

Tonight I'm determined to sleep and sleep well without thoughts of lonliness or any of you.

Because right now, you don't want to know what else I have to say.