Now I can't write here anymore. I retreated to some other place to put down the feelings because I don't want people to read this and think 'oh that's me' or get upset because I wrote an angry rant about them. Anyone or anything is a fucking live wire just waiting to make contact with my skin right now.

You know that part of the Nine Inch Nails song 'the becoming' where Trent is singing, "Don't give up, it wants me dead, damn this noise inside my head"? That's me writhing in anger screaming along with it because that's all I've got left to do anymore.

Am I angry? Yes. For the first time in months, I'm damn good and angry and it just wants to come out. I'm drunk on top of it.

Those of you that know me are thinking, "But Kat, you don't get drunk!"

Maximum strength cold medicine + a few Smirnoffs = Drunk. End of list.

I'm angry, alone and ready to shred the walls. No way to come back down, no one here to hold me still for just a second. Just myself, screaming at myself, pacing the apartment until I'm ready to drop.

Tomorrow I'll be sober and this will be nothing more than a bad taste in my mouth won't it?