Six am is too much for me to handle. Get back into bed, bury myself under the piles of blankets and pillows on this huge bed. Pretend I'm not alone. My limbs curl up against me like a dead animal as I slip fitfully back into the coma that is my sleep.

All the dreams are strange this morning. First I wish someone is there, then it feels like someone is next to me, watching me. Breathing in my ear. Then it changes to driving my car, the engine sounding like a lawn mower, scaring me into thinking that its going to give out at any moment, stranding me in the middle of nowhere during the night.

The alarm goes off, I'm greeted to the lawn people doing their work, my son insisting that I pay him attention finally. Staggering out of bed as though I just had an all night binder of coke and Jack.